Cancel church, ditch your phone and lock anyone who might disturb you in a shipping container because this weekend is just bananas if you're partial to a bit of the old ultraviolence. Forget about going to the gym tomorrow morning because you might just miss Roy Nelson belly slam the ghost of Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. UFC Fight Night 40 is on Sky Sport at 6am and if you're super hardcore the online Fight Pass prelims are at 4. Fight Pass costs like $9 a month but you can get a free trial membership and I'd recommend giving it a shot, it's actually pretty nifty. The co-main event sees Clay Guida take on Tatsuya Kawajiri in what I believe is most likely a fight for Guida's job. It's a pretty low grade card all around but hey, it's free.
And you know what? That's the low point of the weekend.
On Saturday night the ASB Stadium in Kohimarama is going to implode under the ridiculousness of the King in the Ring tournament. Returning 62kg champion Sone Vannathy looks to defend his title against a field of CIA level assassins: "Razor" Ra Redden, Sefa Fue, Jordan Syme, Joey Baylon, Alexi Serepisos, Chris Wells, Ben Sisam. Are you kidding me?
If that doesn't do it for you, how about a rematch of the 2013 King in the Ring heavyweight final? "Notorious" Antz Nansen throws down with Nato Laauli in a heavyweight superfight that'll probably make day-to-day reality quite dreary in comparison and ruin regular life forever.
That's not to mention a 55kg four woman elimination tournament. Seriously, you should watch that just for the perspective shift you'll experience when you realise how terrifyingly good the female fighters in New Zealand are. If the eight man lineup wasn't so damn good then these girls would most likely steal the show. As it is, this women's elimination tournament could be an event in and of itself and I'm super excited.
I don't know if there's any point even mentioning the world title fight because obviously anyone who has read this far is already convinced this might be the greatest night of their life.
King in the Ring cruiserweight champion TY Williams is taking on Australian Ben Johnston in a trans-tasman rumble that will probably unite our nations in to one southern hemisphere superpower.
AND IT'S BEING SHOWN LIVE ON SKY. BRING IT.
I'm experiencing an adrenaline dump just writing about these fights.
To take things to that ridiculous place that necessitates imprisoning your family, Glory Istanbul is happening in exactly 33 hours and 32 minutes too.
Hometown hero Gokhan Saki meets Nathan Corbett, Tyrone Spong and Saulo Cavalari in a four man light heavyweight tournament that will see a new champion crowned and $200,000 better off.
More importantly, the "Style Bender" Israel Adesanya makes his Glory debut and becomes the first Kiwi to fight on that stage. Adesanya, 32-1, takes on Belgian Filip Verlinden in a middleweight showdown that has every chance to look like something out of a movie.
This is a major, major opportunity for Adesanya and the entire New Zealand martial arts community is right behind him. There's some real feel good stuff there among the raw excellence.
Here's a video of Israel moonwalking, kicking off the cage like a ninja and stopping John Vake with some slick ground and pound in the first round of an mma bout.